Dreaming Of Your Abuser
Even if you left an abusive relationship far behind, your former abuser may still intrude on your dreams, forcing you to relive those terrible experiences.
Are you dreaming of your abuser?
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Abuse can take many forms—not just physical, but also emotional manipulation, financial control, sexual abuse, and discrimination. The damage inflicted by these abusers can leave deep psychological scars, often disturbing sleep and causing vivid nightmares.
Unfortunately, those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) often replay these events in their dreams like a broken record. Studies have shown that these disturbing dreams occur during the early stages of the REM sleep cycle—REM sleep begins about an hour and a half after falling asleep.
Nevertheless, this insecure, narcissistic individual shouldn’t be allowed to disrupt your peace at night. Here are some techniques to help banish this unwanted presence from your mind for good.
Abuser Dreams: Unmasking the Shapeshifter
Don’t be surprised if your abuser appears in different guises in your dreams. They might manifest as a rattlesnake, a vicious dog, masked men, or natural disasters like tornadoes or tsunamis. The theme of your dream will reflect the emotions and feelings tied to past experiences that you may still be processing.
If Swiss psychologist Carl Jung was right about dreams being our psyche’s attempt to communicate, then these visions might be helpful tips from your unconscious mind disguised as your former abuser. While there’s no cure for PTSD or definitive answers on why we dream, symptoms can be managed. Dream analysis is one tool that can help combat PTSD.
Why Does Your Abuser Appear in Your Dreams?
- You may still be dealing with depression and anxiety
- You might have low self-esteem and carry painful emotions
- You desire peace of mind and to live your life free from past trauma
- You might still be drawn to similar types of people
- You want to heal past psychological wounds
- There may be a connection to your father or inner masculine (see animus).
Abuser Dreams: Lucid Dreaming Therapy
Lucid dreaming is a type of dream where you become fully aware that you’re dreaming and can potentially control the dream’s setting. Practicing lucid dreaming techniques may grant you some control over the dream’s characters, storyline, and environment. This approach offers a new way to cope with and change your nightmares.
Imagine being able to overpower your abuser in your dream, perhaps even giving them a metaphorical black eye. This is not as far-fetched as it sounds. Recent studies on lucid dreaming and PTSD have shown promising results—a technique used with military veterans that reduced nightmare distress and contributed to therapeutic change with IRT.
How To Practice Lucid Dreaming
- Make your bedroom conducive to dreaming.
- Use positive affirmations. Tell yourself before sleep that you are in charge, you will heal, and they have no power over you.
- Keep a dream journal to record your dreams.
- Recognize your dream signs.
- Perform reality checks.
- Use the MILD technique. Rehearse a dream and visualize becoming lucid while repeating a mantra with the same intention.
- Try returning to sleep.
- Induce sleep paralysis.
- Use the Wake Back to Bed technique.
Abuser Dreams: Nightmares & CBT
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has proven effective in treating nightmares, anxiety disorders, depression, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Recording and analyzing your dreams can help identify and address repressed emotions and unconscious memories by decoding emerging symbols.
Studies from the University of Geneva also suggest that nightmares can prepare us for real-life events and help treat anxiety disorders. See the benefits of nightmares
Decoding Your Abuse Dream
According to Carl Jung, dreams integrate our conscious and unconscious lives in a process called individuation—transforming one’s psyche by bringing the personal and collective unconscious into consciousness through dream analysis.
Jung believed the dream world is a realm of archetypes, universal energies that belong to every human struggling with both societal and internal conflicts. Bad dreams are often symbols of something repressed within the dreamer.
If your nightmares cause distress in your waking life, consider seeking a medical professional. Many of us repress past experiences that keep resurfacing in other ways—feelings of denial, anxiety, despair, hopelessness, and sadness, among others.
How to understand abuse dreams
Decoding your dreams may not be easy and can sometimes feel pointless. However, within the dream, you might find symbols that mirror what could be repressed. Recording your dreams in a journal or using a dream dictionary can be helpful tools. Not all dictionaries will provide answers, but they can guide you closer to the meaning.
Dream messages help identify where problems might stem from, encouraging you to face them head-on. The dream theme and symbols can be decoded metaphorically. For instance, running away might suggest you are avoiding your feelings.
